Birthday in approximately 2 hours.

So like the title says, my birthday is in another 2 hours. I was born on 18th of July 1989. Finally I am 22 years old.

Two Decades and Two years old. Its so weird how fast time passes. These 21 years have been ..... a whole lot more than I can ever describe in one word. There is still so much to do and see. I still feel like my life has not started, you know what I mean?? How can that even be, technically speaking it already has began so its not like it has to eventually start at any particular time. As it started when I was born.

So what am I waiting, its so weird. I am legally allowed to get married, vote, have a kid whatever. And yet I am so scared. Why the hell is it so??? I have no reason as to why I have allowed myself to be in this slump.

Things that have happened that sucked at age 21:

- Friends lied and screwed me over.

- Have not the best of friends

- Scared to get close to people because of the above

- Classes have been not so great

- No idea what to do with my life.

Good things that have happened at age 21:

- Can officially go out and buy my own drink

- Feel more confident

- Getting into shape, looking awesome now.

Things to do before I graduate college:

(http://collegecandy.com/2010/08/03/25-things-to-do-before-youre-25/)

1. Make out with a gorgeous guy..

2. Do an illegal drug OR Get a tattoo.

3. Live in another country (even if it’s just for a short period of time). Already doing that.

4. Travel on the cheap. Pick a destination and do it up, backpacking-style. Stay in hostels, eat unidentifiable food, and make sure to have anti-diarrhea medicine on hand.

5. Face a fear. A real one. should be a legitimate one.

6. Be brave, bold and do something you would never do.

7. Splurge on an awesome pair of jeans that fit you really well.

8. Apologize to someone you were mean to in middle school. Or anyone else.

9. Make a real guy friend.

10. Get a job working with food or working with clothes. Done customer service and know how hard it is.

11. Figure out what kind of wine you actually like. Go on a wine tour.

12. Take a roadtrip with your friends. .

13. Try an exotic food you can’t pronounce.

14. Go to a college football game and go all out. Paint your face, lose your voice from cheering, and tailgate like a rockstar.

15. See a Broadway show. Even the most cynical people leave a show happy.

16. Go 24 hours media-free. That means turn off your cell phone and shut down your computer. With the exception of getting tagged in heinous photos that you can’t de-tag right away, you won’t miss anything.

17. Skinny dip.

18. Give back to the community. Whether it’s building houses for Habitat for Humanity, participating in a campus Relay for Life, or standing for days on end for a Dance Marathon, you’ll have an awesome time and feel really, really good about yourself. After a 12 hour nap, of course.

19. Learn to do your own taxes and how to manage your own money. It will make that transition into real life so. much. easier.

20. Take your parents out to a nice dinner. Because they deserve it.

21. Start a blog about your life and update it regularly. Sure it seems self-centered now, but you’ll be grateful ten years from now when you can reflect on your life when you were really living it up.

22. Go to a Pride Parade. There is nothing on earth as fun, happy and memorable than a parade dedicated to gay pride.

23. Go to Vegas and let go. Party hard, then party harder. Then hit up an all-you-can-eat buffet to sober up…so you can party again.

24. Learn to drive a manual car. They’re cheaper and, really, it’s just a cool party trick. Plus, from what we hear, it’s a major turn-on for guys.

25. Donate blood. If you think donating is scary, imagine being the person who needs it during a blood shortage. And if that’s not enough, there are cookies.

26. One for good luck. try and actually bake, cause I know you want to.

xoxoxo past me. <3

Shattered

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
The silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown

And finding answers
Is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown

As reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
And the reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
Love gone for so long

This day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all I hold

And Ive lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Life
Less words
Carry on

But i know
All i know
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer

And Ive lost who I am
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Without love gone wrong
Life
Less words
Carry on

But i know
All i know
Is that the ends beginning

Who I am from the start
Take me home to my heart
Let me go
And I will run
I will not be silenced

All this time spent in vain
Wasted years
Wasted gain
All is lost
Hope remains
And this war's not over

Theres a light
Theres the sun
Taking all the shattered ones
To the place we belong
And his love will conquer all
Yes his love will conquer all

Yesterday I died, tommorrows bleeding
Fall into your sunlight

This song is the perfect example of how I am feeling! I you when you have "friends" but yet when u look around and have good or bad news you have no one to tell too.... Thats exactly how where I am....

This sucks to be so lost. You know when your out and yet you can not talk and even if you try your invisible....

Ya i know I am extremely shy and all but I still try.... why am I like this?? Maybe it is my fault, and maybe not. I know I have to make the change, and improve this crappy and shitty situation.

The crap

Extreme end of the spectrum

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that." -- Martin Luther King, Jr.

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from hell,
blue skies from pain?
Can you tell a green field from a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?”.. Roger Waters

When we let go of our need to control we are free to receive others just as they are.

Learn to love, we have all got to learn to love something. Sounds sentimental as hell but I really believe it is. -Andrew Wyeth

You are The Lovers

Motive, power, and action, arising from Inspiration and Impulse.

The Lovers represents intuition and inspiration. Very often a choice needs to be made.

Originally, this card was called just LOVE. And that's actually more apt than "Lovers." Love follows in this sequence of growth and maturity. And, coming after the Emperor, who is about control, it is a radical change in perspective. LOVE is a force that makes you choose and decide for reasons you often can't understand; it makes you surrender control to a higher power. And that is what this card is all about. Finding something or someone who is so much a part of yourself, so perfectly attuned to you and you to them, that you cannot, dare not resist. This card indicates that the you have or will come across a person, career, challenge or thing that you will fall in love with. You will know instinctively that you must have this, even if it means diverging from your chosen path. No matter the difficulties, without it you will never be complete.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

some positivity...

Hey Everyone, hope your well....

I just happened to read something today and so I thought I would spread some positivity.

It goes something like this,

Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the eye. Coz your awesome

and its your time to shine. Have a great day everyone!!! =)

“ Judgement prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances.”

Is it wrong to judge people?

I know personally I try not to... but sometimes I can not help it... Sometimes people's thinking is just so different and I feel that what they are doing is plain and simple wrong.

Mother Teresa once said, " If you judge people, you have no time to love them.... and then again Carl Gustav Jung also said that, " Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourself". So I guess we come to know what our tolerances are about various different subjects.

So this whole situation confuses me. I just wanna tell them that its wrong and explain why I think so but I do not want them to think that I am judging them. As that is not who and what I am.

Statement piece.

Really really loving this pairing !!! Need to find a skirt like this one.

Live

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that’s all”
- Oscar Wilde

I today vow to live my life, rather than just exist in the world. I am done trying to just pass by and be invisible, I know that i am an awesome person so why I am so scared to shine? Why do I let myself belittle myself? I know I have the confidence, charm, wit, a great personality, and I am beautiful.

So screw the haters, who are scared of their own insecurities and like to point their fingers at others so as not gain any attention on themselves and there shortcomings.

Ps: I know kind of know what I want I want to maybe get into in terms of my career. I am still in college, but I have now declared a major as Management and minors in Marketing and Human Resource Management. I will be graduating this december. And I am so happy, that i am finally towards the end. I know... that even though University (college) is over, that does not mean that studying and learning and growing is going to ever stop.

The next step is getting an internship/ co-operative study. I have been to two interviews so far, one for an Adverting firm and the other for a new clothing store at the mall.

Hopefully I will get a call from the ad firm, really looking forward to working there. Seems like a great opportunity. Cross your fingers. =)

MLK

“The true measure of a man is not how he behaves in moments of comfort and convenience but how he stands at times of controversy and challenges.” - Martin Luther King Jr.

It seems as though Martin Luther King was on to something here. I guess we do go through crap in our lives so that we gain more experience and knowledge and in a way it does talk a lot about us and our personalities and behaviors towards different things. But what if all that knowledge makes us loose faith in humanity and kind, faithful people. Why is it so hard to find even one decent human being? How is it that the world became so self centered and ignorant towards other peoples feelings?

Is this how its all suppose to end?